How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
