Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
