I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
