I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
