as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
