walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
