I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
