where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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