ya dads aren't the best wingmen
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
