I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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