Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
