i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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