paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
