I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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