my phone needs a breathalizer
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
