watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
