he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
