if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
