He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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