Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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