i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
