The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
