If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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