Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
