drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
