Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
