hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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