When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
