the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Text me some of your sweat
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