You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
