We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
