Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
