Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
