He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
