He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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