smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
