I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
