I skipped work to stalk him.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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