Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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