Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
