it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think my vagina is haunted
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
