what day is it and did you see me today?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
