What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
