I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
