he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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