I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
