so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
