I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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