In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
