Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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