Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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