Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
