For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
