You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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