life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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