I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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