If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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