I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize