My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
