You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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