ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
