you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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