I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
