Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
