When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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