youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can Purell be used as lube?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
