You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
